If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I look better un-naked...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
