I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was confusing and full of hummus
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
