Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
