Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So much rum. So many feels.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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