i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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