One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
