you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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