My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
