to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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