That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
