So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When are your genitals available?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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