People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
