He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
