Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you remember whose house we're in?