allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night