i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize