My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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