Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?