I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
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She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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