i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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