he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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