Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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