Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Randomize
