i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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