So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
