I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
