I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
