And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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