They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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