Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
