I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
