As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
