there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
