So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize