no, he came in my armpit
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
