I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize