So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
