i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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