I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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