i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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