i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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