Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There's always time for handjobs
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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