So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
