Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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