LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
