Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
