I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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