She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
