i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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