There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
