is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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