Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
