Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
