What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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