pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
