Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
