I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
