Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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