tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The beer is more important than you right now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
