I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
