K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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